When Donald and I split up it was hard. But it was so much easier than this because I knew I’d fucked up. I knew I was wrong and that he had every right to hate me and want me to leave. But this? I just don’t understand. I tried so hard. How do you get over someone giving up on you? How do you forget the feeling of someone telling you you’re not even worth trying to make things work for? All the bullshit about me being better off doesn’t help. I know it will stop hurting and I’ll eventually see that this wasn’t everything. But right now it would be so much easier if I had fucked up. At least then I’d understand.

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