It’s been about a year since I started selling off all of my things in preparation to move to France. Now, only five months after being in Paris, I’m doing the same thing. And I’m tired. Over the past few days I’ve been boxing up my few movies and books so I can ship them back home. I’ve also been deciding what I can give away before I leave. Doesn’t it feel like I just did this?

Also in my preparations to leave I’ve been thinking about how great it will be to be back home with my friends, and drinking wine at our pseudo book club. How fab it will be to be able to buy any book I want in English. What it will be like to go out for Mexican food any time of the day. And…well it made me just want to go home and stay there. I’ve been thinking a lot the last few days that maybe I don’t want to leave again. I mean I like the idea of Germany, but I’m worried it will turn out to be another big failure. And anyway, my life at home is pretty great. Why would I want to leave it again?

Of course, I didn’t say this out loud because I’m usually the type of person who says what I’m going to do and then I do it. Plus, I’d already talked Tony into it.

But then, today when Tony and I were waiting for an elevator, he turned to me and said, “Do you really want to do this again in a year?” It was as if he knew exactly what I was thinking at that exact moment.

“I’m not so sure it’s a good idea. What do you think?” I said.

“Nah, I’m tired of Europe. If we go anywhere again, let’s go to Hawaii.”

“Hawaii. Yeah, OK.”

I’m so glad I didn’t have to be the one to call off our moving abroad again. All I want is to come home. This whole experience has really embittered me about France, and pretty much the whole European continent. I’m sad because I used to really love it here. Maybe it’s just because I’m getting older; I’m just set in my ways and enjoy being where it’s familiar.

Of course, we could always change our minds once we get back home. We may remember Europe as being this big magical place and we may want to come running back. Not likely, but it could happen. I’m still learning German just in case. But Hawaii does sound nice. And it’s a MUCH quicker plane ride home if we hate it.

Return to sender updated: March 10.

Advertisements