Yesterday, after writing a blog about how much I despise shopping, I went to the mall.

I went for two reasons.

1. I received a call around noon, in which I learned I’d be taking pictures at The Park Ultra Lounge last night.

I don’t know if any of you have been to The Park. I hadn’t. I had only heard of it and I can tell you it definitely didn’t sound like my scene. And I was right. Granted, there were some normal people there, but for the most part The Park is basically a place for yuppie middle-aged businessmen looking for a quicky before they head home to their wives. It was filled with young women with fake tits looking for men with money. And I new I wouldn’t fit in with my regular going-out clothes.

Actual phrases I heard at The Park last night:

“Hey! You’re a lawyer, aren’t you?”

Indeed, the person in question was a lawyer. And soon got to chatting it up. Easy as that. You don’t have to be attractive if it’s assumed you have money (and with a $35 cover charge you better hope they have money).

“I’m not the type of girl that’s impressed by money.”

Oh puh-lease! Then WHY are you at The Park dressed in next to nothing with your fake tits hanging out? Oh, you are indeed impressed by money. You just don’t want to sound like a gold digger.

“Is that a hicky?”

Oh shit. Yes, that’s the other reason I went shopping.

I was trying to find something that would cover up a giant hickey.

Unfortunately, I didn’t find anything. Only one guy noticed though so I feel pretty pleased with how things went.

I hope I never have to go back to The Park though. I hate feeling self-conscious when I should be having fun.

PS I have two new blogs at THENERVOUSBREAKDOWN.COM, one is about how I hate shopping, and the other is about Drag Kings.