Tonight was my work’s Christmas party, so naturally I’m a little bit drunk.

Anyway, I’m writing because I’m basically neurotic.

Let me explain: See, the first time Tony and I  ever “got together” it was Valentine’s Day. We were celebrating the anti-Valentine’s to be exact. A little ironic that that’s what started off our whole relationship.

Anyway, the next day I was ecstatic because I felt like he really REALLY liked me.

But then I started to myspace stalk him and I found a comment the next day on his page wishing him a happy Valentine’s from some girl in Germany. Turns out they had been dating. I don’t know exactly when they stopped dating, but it was sometime around when we got together. At first I felt guilty like I had stolen some other girl’s man. But he reassured me that they had decided when he left Germany that it wouldn’t last.

Now it’s turned into a major jealousy of mine. Whenever I hear him speaking German on the phone I automatically assume he’s talking to her and I go into a silent rage. Most of the time I go for a walk because I know I’m being completely neurotic. They’ve been friends forever, I can’t expect him to stop talking to her, especially when I still hang out with my ex-husband.

But I do get jealous and tonight was no exception. I was taking off my necklace after the dinner party and Tony asked me about it. For the first time I had to admit that it was a wedding gift from Donald. I keep it because it’s beautiful and I love wearing it with certain outfits. But at the same time I felt guilty so I brought up this bra I found when Tony was moving in. It’s a black bra with a purple ribbon around it. It bothered me a bit when he insisted on keeping it, but when I was unpacking boxes I just chucked it in his underwear drawer and forgot about it – until tonight.

Tonight I brought it up, even though he didn’t seem the least bit daunted that my necklace was from Donald. And for the first time he told me where the bra came from and it was from the German girl. Ugh. I couldn’t help but be hurt. What did I think he would say? I ask these stupid things when I’m drunk like this and I always wish I hadn’t. I just don’t understand why he decided to stay with me when he was already dating somebody else. Sure, she’s 3,000 miles away, but if that’s the only reason that pretty much sucks for me.

Yeah, I think I’m going to regret this blog in the morning but I had to get this off my chest so I can get some sleep. I hate being jealous over something so stupid. I don’t undestand it. I never used to get jealous with Donald. Am I totally neurotic?

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