Of all the problems to have, money trouble has to be the worst because nobody can really help (unless you know somebody with tons of money who just loves to give it away). No amount of advice or sympathy will just make more money appear.

I’ve had my share of money trouble that was fully my fault. It was due to a shopping habit I had a few years back. But most of my bills were taken over by Donald in the divorce. Now I basically have my car, my student loans, one credit card and my phone. There may be others in there but that’s all I can think of right now. But somehow I still don’t have any money.

Now, I know when people say they don’t have any money, most people mean they have less money than they’d like. Me, I have NO money. I’ve completely maxed out my credit card and have overdrawn my account for the past three pay periods. I’m currently negative $18 in my account and I don’t get paid until Friday.

I know I complain a lot about my money problems and people often respond by saying I should go out less or I shouldn’t have put all my money in going to Costa Rica. Those people are people who don’t know me very well because 1) I haven’t been “out” in weeks and even when I went to Sophia’s on Wednesday (for $1 drinks) I had to borrow money and 2) More than half my trip to Costa Rica was funded by donations (thankfully) from all of you, while most of the rest was paid long ago when I had a larger income to draw from.

I’m feeling extremely discouraged right now and am looking forward to my new job when I can afford the following (not all at once):

1. An oil change:

When I got my last oil change it was more than 3,000 miles overdue and cost Donald a fortune because there were a bunch of other things wrong with the car by that point. I am currently 300 miles overdue for an oil change.

2. Buy food:

I don’t have a single food item to my name. Nothing. I spend the early half of my day with severe hunger pangs, but am SO grateful when I finally eat. I have managed to eat for the past four days by conning other people into buying or making me food. My live-in family fed me on Monday, my boss bought us pizza on Wednesday, Donald took me out to dinner on Tuesday, Tony made me dinner on Thursday and Friday and Lozito gave me a dollar today so I could get two tacos at Jack in the Box. I’m SO looking forward to a regular diet.

3. Purchase the basics:

I’ve been using sample hotel soaps and shampoos for months. They were leftover from Donald’s business trips when we were together. I’ve finally used them all up and forced myself to buy a real thing of shampoo. I also could use some dental floss, a toothbrush, some nail clippers and q-tips. The last time I received all of these items was when my mom visited and I asked her to take me to Target because I was in desperate need of them.

4. Get a haircut:

Last haircut = Dec. 20 (for my birthday) I’m beginning to look a little ragged.

5. Good quality facial sunscreen:

I’d like to prevent my non-mustache mustache from further spreading. Since my blog on it, I’ve discovered that Melasma is sometimes called a “pregnancy mask.” How awful a description is that? I SO don’t want to have streaks all over my face.

6. Buy a new pair of heels:

I broke my favorite heels more than six months ago. Luckily the heel didn’t break all the way off so I still wear them, but it’d be nice to either get them fixed or buy a new pair, especially considering I’ve had them for more than six years.

7. Buy a new work outfit:

I’ve been wearing the same clothes to work since I started here. I’d like to have something new to rotate in with my regular seven-day-a-week attire.

8. Did I mention food?

I can’t wait to not have to worry about buying food.

9. A full tank of gas:

I can’t remember the last time my gasometer pointed to the “F.” I usually just put $5 in and hope it gets me to where I need to go.

10. Pay off my credit card:

Having debt is THE DEVIL.

There you have it folks. These are the dreams of the working poor.

Now you can all see why I’m SO looking forward to my new job and my $10,000 per year pay raise. It may not seem like much to someone who makes far more than me, but that’s a 40 percent pay increase for me.