The interview went well enough. I don’t know whether I got the job. What I do know is: it’s not the job I want. While working at the capitol sounds like all fun and games, it’s not. It’s high-stress. It’s a lot of work. It’s putting forth an image that isn’t me. It’s being fake and diplomatic. It’s having to answer the question “Would you be able to put forth a positive message about legislation even if it were something you didn’t agree with?” It’s not for me.

I doubt that I’ll be the person selected for the position, but if I am I don’t know how long I would be able to stay in a job like that. Would I be willing to sacrifice my happiness for my livelihood? I’ve had jobs that I’ve taken before event though I had a bad feeling about it and the whole time I worked there I felt like the job was stealing my soul away (at least that’s how I phrased it). It’s just so disheartening to work so hard for something when it’s not what you really want. But at the same time it’s disheartening to have a job you’ve worked so hard to obtain, a job you love, when you can’t even afford to eat AND pay rent.

I’m sitting in my office right now and I just want to scream, “I HAVE TWO COLLEGE DEGREES!!!! WHY AM I MAKING LESS THAN I DID WHEN I WAS IN COLLEGE?!?!?! WHY DO PEOPLE SAY GOING TO COLLEGE WILL GET YOU A BETTER PAYING JOB WHEN ALL I HAVE IS THIS?!?!?!”

Today I hate my life.

What the hell am I going to do?

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