November 2005

Tired of trying so hard.
Tired of feigning happiness.
Tired of crying.
Tired of feeling insecure.
Tired of being strong.
Tired of hiding.
Tired of needing people.
Tired of fearing I’ll fail.
Tired of thinking
Tired of hoping for love.
Tired of losing the fight.
Tired of dreaming.
Tired of wanting more.
Tired of seeing my reflection.
Tired of life.

I’m tired of being tired.


The typical scenario: An old man sitting on the porch with his wife and grandson. He looks up at the sky, feels the pain in his hands and says, “Rain’s comin’.”

Yeah, except that’s me every winter since I was about 16. I used to tell Donald that I might look like a teenager, but I have the body of a 90-year-old woman. I thought arthritis was supposed to be an old person’s disease, but it SO is not!

Nearly every bone in my body has been aching for the past three days and as soon as it started I knew it was going to be raining this week. I have it worst in my hands this year and I’m beginning to get REALLY worried that it’s more than just arthritis. I’ll wait until the rain goes away before I get too worried though.

Ugh! I’m miserable, but I just took three Ibuprofens tablets so hopefully I’ll be feeling better soon.

I finally started watching the Sex and the City, season one, episodes that Hardeep gave me for my birthday and they are SO fabulous! Who couldn’t love this show, well besides men of course. I don’t know why so many men are scared of this show, but it’s so much fun to watch, mainly because I can totally picture me and my friends being in the exact same situations.

PS There is nothing better in the world than hanging out with a bunch of my favorite girls watching mind-numbing television, eating popcorn and talking. If anyone is interested in watching the second installment of season one let me know and I’ll schedule another marathon Sex and the City night.

PPS Everyone who said Carrie is SO me was totally right. I am SO her. 1. because she’s neurotic and comes up with crazy meanings for what guys are really saying and 2. Because she seems like she’s so together, but she’s totally confused and clutsy and cute all at the same time. But she definitely needs a new wardrobe. Just because it’s Dolce & Gabbana does not mean it’s cute.

I finally went to see the new Harry Potter movie this weekend and it was FABULOUS! It also inspired me to finally read the books. I read the first one a few months ago, but I wasn’t really that interested in it. Now though, I have to read them. The movie left me hanging and I simply cannot wait for the next one to find out what happened. Lucky me, the books already go up to the sixth one so I’ll be able to read past where the movie ended without having to wait months for the next book to come out.

So yesterday I started book 2 and I’ve already read through more than a quarter of the book (sorry Steph, Pride and Prejudice is going to have to wait). I just love little Dobby. He was my favorite character out of all of the movies so far, so I’m really enjoying this book. I know most of you have already read these books. I must say I’m a little late in jumping on the bandwagon, but this is the first time that I think the hype actually is justified. I’m am now officially a Harry Potter groupie.

X-tina, if you’re reading this, that means you can make me a griffindor scarf this year and I would love you for life.

For the rest of you, I suggest you get interested in Harry Potter because you’ll be hearing a lot about it from me in the next couple weeks.

Yeah, so I know Thanksgiving was yesterday, but I didn’t really have time to write, nor did I feel like it. Today my roommate had his Thanksgiving dinner at my house and it was delicious and the house was stuffed with people, but I just ate and then went to bed even though I had my own guests here. Yeah, I’m lame.

Anyway, I just wanted to let Sofia and my little sister know how thankful  I am for them for not letting me just sit at home and mope all day yesterday because I SO would have. When Jess called me I was already in full mope gear and still planning on having Thanksgiving at my boss’ house.

Instead I ended up at Sofia’s with tons of the cutest little kids ever and it felt just like home, except everyone looked Mexican (excluding me, her white mom and her sister). Then I headed off to another Thanksgiving dinner with my brother’s wife and her family and there was more food than I think I have EVER seen in my life. So basically I had five Thanksgiving dinners this year. How disgusting is that? I must have put on at least ten pounds this week, which means I’ve got a lot of running to do before VEGAS!

PS I’m thankful for all of you for keeping me entertained and being so fabulous. Thanks a million…Mwah!

PPS Sof can I spend Christmas with you too? I’m SO not looking forward to another holiday…

So, my sister called me this morning and told me she’ll be here tomorrow night! I cannot contain my excitement any longer! My sister is the cutest, most fun girl you will ever meet. Even better than me! I know, I know it’s hard to do, but she has managed. Don’t ask me how, she just does it. Anyway, I love her to bits and I can’t wait for our four day bonding session/ crazy adventures to begin!

PS She and I are making the first batch of jam. I’ll be sure to tell you how it goes…wish us luck! I hope we don’t blow up the kitchen…

That’s right. To all you journalist students out there, it’s true what they say that you have to do it because you love your job. If you want to make some money when you are starting out then I suggest you quit while you’re ahead. I made more money when I was in college than I do now. Only difference is, now I can’t say I’m a poor college student and people just expect me to be able to afford things.

But I love what I do and I would never give it up. I just hope you guys can understand when I can’t do stuff or hang out as often as I used to because I’m super extra poor. I literally have no money left from my paycheck and I just got paid three days ago. Granted, I had to pay rent and a speeding ticket, but each check has to go to some kind of bill right?

Anyway, I just thought I’d let you all know that I’m not using money as a cop-out for not seeing you. It’s the truth. My roommate’s girlfriend makes more than me and she works at a no-name coffee shop! <—-offered as proof to how little I make. Hopefully after the holidays I’ll be able to start saving again and we can all go out and celebrate.

PS If anyone knows someone rich who needs a tax write-off, I’m looking for a sponsor for my conservation project in Costa Rica. I’m still $1500 short, but it’s 100ax-deductible if they donate to me.

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