Family


Hey Family! Yeah, it’s me OVER HERE! Oh, you see me now? OK, good because I have something to say. And don’t pretend you don’t read this because I know you all check this, which is why I’ve had to start blogs all over the Internets to keep hiding from you. But now I’m coming out to talk to you because I have something to say. Maybe this will stop the gossip mills. So, you listening? Good.

FOR THE RECORD: Tony did NOT break up with me because he wanted to get married and I turned him down. I don’t know where the fuck this rumor came from, but it couldn’t be further from the truth. How’s about next time you just ask me what the fuck happened? Granted, some of you have asked me and I’ve been crying too hysterically to answer, but still. Do you really have to start crazy rumors? If you really must know, and really, you do, right? That’s why the rumor mill is going, right? So, here’s the deal: I don’t know why Tony broke up with me.

He gave me a bunch of reasons (you know, the kind you tell the other person so that you don’t have to tell them the truth, which is that you just can’t stand them anymore). Mostly he said he just wants to hang out with his friends and not worry about whether I’m going to be OK with it or not. He wants to be free and single and “do his own thing.” But there are other things too. You know, he hates that I want to travel (NEWS TO ME) and that I don’t have a “real” job. Oh, and a bunch of other bullshit stuff that really just means: HE DOESN’T WANT TO BE WITH ME ANYMORE.

K? Got that?

Good. I’m glad we had this little talk.

I’m back in California after a week in Utah for my sister’s wedding. I had so super much fun there I can’t even believe it. I got to hang out with my sister and her friends the whole week helping her move and prepare for the wedding. My sister seriously has the most amazing life. I can see why she’s so happy. She has an amazing now-husband and fabulous friends.

While I was there I was reading this crazy book about “finding faith, hope and love.” And it really made me question, for the first time in a long time, my decision to leave my religion. Seeing my sister so happy and living the good Mormon life made me think about how often I see happy Christians. And the book only reinforced that feeling. I sometimes wonder if I could be that happy if I could believe in Jesus. But then I think of all the things I’d have to give up and all the effort it would take to become faithful and I decide not to even try. It was really weird thinking about all that stuff again. It had seriously been years since I’d wondered about the church.

Anyway, I’m just so super happy for my sister. You can check out the pictures (all taken by my fab boyfriend) here. While your there, take note of the flowers and my sister’s hair. I totally did that! How awesome is that? Also, this was the first wedding I’ve been to in the past couple of years without being super bitter and cynical. My sister and her new husband just look so happy and in love, I couldn’t help but get carried away in it myself. Yay for them!

Oh, and the coolest thing about my sister’s wedding? She had wedding cake-shaped pinatas at the reception! Best idea ever!

Kati wrote me today and I learned a couple of things about the fam, which I’m now going to share with you.

No. 1: Mom is working, dad is not. Kati and Peter are really growing up in a different time than me an my other siblings did.

2: Little Matt has finished basic training and is going to be stationed in London for two years starting in two weeks. Why oh why did he have to wait until I’m leaving Europe? We could have had so much fun together. BUT at least now I have a good excuse to come visit.

3: Parents discussing another move. Maybe California. Yikes! Actually, no matter what I say, I’d love to have my parents living closer.

4: I posted a new blog about the fam on The Nervous Breakdown. Go leave me a comment PLEASE!

Oh, man. I just got a myspace friend request from my youngest sister. I’ve been telling Tony lately that I really need to censor myself since more and more of my family is finding this blog or my TNB posts (My grandma wrote me the other day to say she’d found my TNB posts and I immediately started going through my brain file to decide whether there was anything grandma would be offended by. I decided no, but still). Anyway, with Kati on here I really have to be less belligerent. It’s just not OK.

Also, what is a 13-year-old doing on myspace? It says she’s 18 on her page and it’s open to the public?! I wrote her as soon as I saw the friend request and told her to IMMEDIATELY change her age and make her page private. I think I’m also going to have to call my parents and get her in trouble if she doesn’t do it. Myspace is no joke for young kids, but of course they think they’re completely invincible.

Sometimes when my boss is in a good mood she’ll pretend like we’re friends and she’ll offer me advice. One of her favorite subjects is my child-free lifestyle.

“If I can offer you one piece of advice, it’s that you should have kids,” she says to me.

“Nah, I’m not really sure kids are for me. There are too many things I want to do,” I try to say politely.

“Yes, but really. You’ll be missing out on something really special if you don’t have kids.”

Yeah, that’s easy to say when you don’t have to take care of your own fucking kids, I think.

I’m sure kids are tons of fun when you only have to see them a few hours a day and someone else is there to deal with all their tantrums. However, that will not be the case for me. If I get knocked up I know for sure who will be taking care of the end result: Me.

Why is there so much pressure to have children? I don’t understand it. Aren’t there already enough screaming brats in this world? Aren’t there enough people out there who STILL don’t seem to know what birth control is? Why do I have to join in? So I can be as miserable as them? No thanks.

My reasons for not wanting kids remain solid:

1. I hate children: I think this is a pretty strong reason in and of itself, but let’s go on.

2. I’m selfish: I hate the thought of having to always think about another person and putting them before me. There are too many things I want. I don’t want to give that up for some ungrateful sniveling brat.

3. I’ve already raised six kids. Being the oldest girl in a family of nine tends to make you never want to have children.

4. I’m always poor: Until I can find a way to fund my own life, I don’t think I should bring another person into the equation.

5. Did I mention I hate children?

And you?

It’s time for Sofia to push me down the stairs…

KIDDING! I was just imagining what my life would be like if I was Angelina Jolie and stupid enough to have my picture taken with my hands in my pocket.

Real blog coming soon.

And the winner is….

My little sister Kati! Somehow, despite my parents utterly ignoring my youngest sister and treating her like she’s a huge pest, the girl has managed to talk her way into a trip to France. Yay for Kati!

Since about July she’s been asking me for information on how to get a passport and a plane ticket, but I haven’t been very hopeful because I know how difficult it can be to get my parents to do anything. And because Kati is under age 14, she needs BOTH of my parents to go with her to the post office to apply for her passport. Not only that but she needed a copy of her birth certificate as well as all the other accompanying info (social security number, passport photos, etc.).

But somehow today she finally managed to pull it off. She somehow found her birth certificate in the mounds of garbage at my parents house. She got her social security number from me (I have no idea why I had it, but I did). And today she finally got my parents to the post office! That’s a huge hurdle. If she can do that then I know she’s for sure coming to visit me. Yay! I’m going to have visitors.

She’s coming in December for my birthday and Christmas I believe, which makes me super excited. I have a whole week off after Christmas so I’ll get to spend super lots of time with her. Unfortunately it also means I have to make a trip to EuroDisney and pay their extortionist prices for entry and basic accomodations, like food. It will be fun though, I know it. Especially considering nobody will be there in December so we won’t have to wait in line or listen to a bunch of screaming children.

So, anyway, I just wanted to share my excitement with the world.

Any other visitors coming my way?

How about a group reunion in Paris in the spring???

When you’re the black sheep

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but when you’re the black sheep of your family, not so much. I haven’t lived near my parents for almost two years. But I felt like they were close when they were only two states away because I was constantly arguing on the phone with my dad about pretty much anything and everything. He and I can never have just a normal conversation.

And moving 3,000 miles away hasn’t changed that. Apparently I’m too old for my parents to love or care about. So I’m over it. I’m not talking to them anymore. All it does is hurt my feelings.

Someone to love

Being in Paris makes me really want a puppy, especially a super cute one like the one above. Unfortunately, Tony isn’t convinced I’ll take care of it. And, um, he’s right.

So instead I’ll be buying a plant. I think a lime tree. If I can keep that alive for a whole year I might move up to goldfish.

I really do hate watching everyone walking with their cute dogs around here. It makes me super jealous.

Mmmmmm…

I really feel like I’m in Paris now because I finally bought and ate a croissant yesterday. And it was just as delicious as I remembered it being. Now I think I’m addicted. I’m going to work in a bit and I woke up super early just so I’d have extra time to stop off at the boulangerie (bread store). Croissants and bread are one thing I’ll always be able to afford here. Croissants are 45 centimes and a baguette is 90 centimes. You can’t beat that!

Today I emptied out my safety deposit box and in it I found all the proofs from my wedding, which seems like a million years ago now. Looking at these pictures I can now see what everyone meant when they said we were too young to be getting married. We thought we were SO mature, but look at these pictures:

My youngest brother was only one! Look at my family. Half of us weren’t even out of high school yet.

Then there’s this one (above) of Matt and Kati. They look like they’re five! Oh, wait they are.

Oh, and check out these totally cheese-o-rama pictures of me:

Only six years later I’m not even close to the girl I was when I got married. I can’t imagine wanting to have a big fat white wedding now. Looking through all these pictures (of which there are hundreds) I couldn’t help laughing at them. There are very few I could imagine retaking today. Although, there were these few that at least made me smile.

Anyway, just thought I’d share since there’s really nothing else I can do with these pictures now.

Last week I sort of went on vay-cay for a minute because my little sister, the fab Jess, showed up out of nowhere to visit me. She drove down here with my older brother and his wife (also fab). It’s not often when I get to visit with family and actually enjoy it. They were here for the whole week though and we sort of co-opted Tony’s parent’s house since they’re in Germany right now. Me and Jess pretty much sat out by the pool and read all day. And it was amazing.

That said, I have a lot of books I’ve finished recently so I thought I’d just put them all in one post. I hope you don’t mind. I’ll try to make them short, especially because some were real duds.

Book 15: The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid by Bill Bryson

Normally I adore Bill Bryson, but I wasn’t a huge fan of this book (a memoir). It had his same sense of humor, but it was all about growing up in the fifties so I really didn’t get some of it. I think this book would have been way better for my mom or dad, who also grew up in that time period. I don’t know, I just didn’t have any nostalgia to match that of Bill Bryson’s.

Book 16: Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris

Okay, I know I’m a little late for the train on this one. This is Sedaris’ most famous book and I’ve never read it mostly because I thought it was a book about a disabled kid for some reason. It’s actually a bunch of memoir-y essays including a whole section about when Sedaris lived in France. His France essays were my favorite and were what made me really love this book, even though the rest were really funny as well. What I liked about it was that he made the same observations about France as I did, and that is that Americans are ridiculous, loud and obnoxious when they are visiting a foreign country. I loved that he wasn’t all nostalgic and in love with France, but that he talked about what it’s really like to live there.

Book 17: A Year in the Merde by Stephen Clarke

The title says it all: This book is a piece of merde. Seriously, I don’t think I’ve read a worse book about France in my life. This was in the travel essays section, but it turns out that it’s actually a work of fiction – something I didn’t realize until I’d already finished reading it. Had I known maybe I wouldn’t have been so incedulous about it.

See, the book is about this guy who’s working in France. At least that’s the premise of the book. In fact, the book is about this stupid frat guy trying to get laid all the time. The whole book is about trying to find a French woman to have sex with or it’s about how great the sex is with the French woman he’s found to sleep with him. Throughout the book I kept turning to look at the author’s picture and kept asking, “Seriously? This guy?” It was horrible. Anyway this book is great if you want to believe you’re going to get laid in France by actual French women, but don’t blame me when you’re sorrily disappointed. For the rest of you, I don’t recommend wasting your time on this book.

Book 18: Dreams of my Father by Barack Obama

This book was really well written and had great descriptions of people and place, but I felt like Obama went off in weird directions sometimes, always circling back to the race issue. Maybe I only felt awkward about it because I’m on the other side of the race issues that he’s so upset about. Also, he was born at the beginning of the civil rights movement so his memories of race are quite different than those of someone who was born twenty years later. All in all it was a good book, but it got boring in parts and it took me WEEKS to read. I’d still recommend it though if you’re interested in learning more about our political representatives.

Book 19: Happiness Sold Separately by Lolly Winston

After reading this book I remembered why I never read Winston’s first book, Good Grief. It’s because I knew it would leave me totally emotionally distraut. Unfortunately I didn’t realize that until I was so far into this book that I couldn’t turn back.

I both loved and hated this book. I loved it because the story was well written and it was one of those books that just can’t be put down until it’s finished. I hated this book because it messed with my emotions and it doesn’t have a real ending (no closure).

In Happiness Sold Separately, Elinor finds out her husband is having an affair. This is after two years of doing invitro fertilization, which puts tons of stress on a marriage. Elinor and her husband, Ted, never got pregnant and Elinor sunk into a depression leaving her husbnad with nobody to comfort him. Elinor decides, even after finding out about the affair, that she wants to try to work things out with her husband. From this point the book takes many twists and sends you on an emotional roller coaster. There wasn’t a chapter that didn’t make me cry. And the worst part is the book ends without telling you how Elinor and Ted end up so you’re stuck thinking about all the possible outcomes. It kills me when books end like that.

The book is told from each person’s point of view. The first chapter is told by Elinor. The second by Ted. The third by Gina, Ted’s mistress. Reading a book that shows you what everyone is thinking is the worst because you can’t just hate the mistress like you want to and you can’t hate the husband because you see what he’s going through too. It’s just a mindfuck. But if that’s what you’re looking for then I recommend reading this book. But be sure you have something lined up to read afterward otherwise you won’t be able to get it out of your head (at least that’s what happened with me).

Next Page »