Crossroads

I’ve made some big plans for the next couple of years, all of them basically hinging on me graduating from my MA TESOL program on time. However, because of the awesome (sarcasm) budget crisis in California, the number of classes being offered in my major each semester is quickly shrinking. In fact, I’m only signed up for two courses next semester because there are only two being offered that I need in order to graduate. Unfortunately, I received an email from my advisor last night that one of those two classes may be canceled if the class doesn’t reach registration capacity in the coming weeks.

What this means is I’d be taking out a ton of student loans and wasting a semester’s worth of grant money for one class, which to me just isn’t worth it. IF my class is canceled, I’ll likely take the semester off school which would mean forfeiting my grant money. This means I will either move to Utah with my sister (and my new nephew!) for six months because I will have $0 when I return to the United States. OR I’ll look for a job teaching English in Turkey and just stay here for awhile. The latter is kind of a pipe dream, considering I only have $75 left in my bank account and I’m not exactly sure what it would take to get a work visa here, but I still like to think about it.

Anyway, I figure, if I have to take a semester off, then I’ll get a full-time job and start saving  a) to pay off the enormous student loan debt I’ve accumulated in the past year and  b) to travel around the world (finally). What worries me is that if I take a semester off, I may never decide to go back and finish my masters. I’ve got the travel itch and I don’t know if I can hold it off for another couple of years because my university keeps canceling classes. At the rate of one class per semester it will take me another four years to complete my two-year degree, not to mention the exorbitant amount of money it will cost me.

SO I kind of feel like my life is at a crossroads. I feel like I have a big decision to make. Should I just take a semester off to work? Should I finally join the Peace Corps as a way to wait out the budget crisis…and avoid paying back my student loans for another two years? Should I look for an overseas teaching job? Should I quit my MA TESOL program all-together? Oh how I wish I could look down each of those roads and see where each one will lead me.

Or, maybe all this worrying is for naught and 20 students will suddenly be interested in taking pedagogical grammar (fun!) next semester. Then I’ll get all that cash, my own apartment and a spring filled with hiking and rock climbing in the Sierra-Nevadas. Yeah, let’s keep our fingers crossed for THAT reality.

UPDATE (Dec. 16): Woke up this morning to an email stating that the class IS being canceled. Am now seriously considering not coming home from Istanbul and becoming a vagabond instead.

 

Boy Update and School Stress

So, life, hey? Things of course didn’t work out with the boy the way I had hoped (do they ever?). I never even got a chance to talk to him again. I don’t know what happened exactly, he just stopped answering my phone calls. Maybe he saw my blog and got angry. I really don’t know. For once though, I’m not bitter about it. I get where he’s coming from on the whole me leaving soon thing. And, yeah, it sucks, but I’m glad I at least had a little bit of time with him. My life is better because I met him and I was happy for awhile so I’m not going to look back on it with regret. That’s all I really have to say about that (thanks, Forrest Gump, for that quote).

Along with all of the boy drama of weeks past, I have been completely stressed out about school. It’s not that my courses are difficult here – they aren’t. It’s just that they’re designed so differently than the courses I take at home. There’s no practicality involved in the courses that are taught here – and to me this translates to “no value.” I just can’t see the point of the projects and the readings we’re doing. Everything here is anchored in theory and research with absolutely no real-world application, whereas my courses at CSUS always include some sort of practical application. Dana and I have both had a difficult time adjusting to this way of thinking and I’m really beginning to fear that my grades are going to suffer because of it, which of course equals STRESS.

Dana and I have been talking lately about putting together a Turkish exchange student handbook for any future students from our university who decide to study abroad here. Top of the list for suggestions to the next students will be that they only take two masters courses, then to fulfill the rest of the credit requirement with Turkish and something to relieve stress (kickboxing, maybe?). Taking a full load of masters courses that are yawn-tastic with zero practical application is a recipe for disaster when coming from our master’s program back home. Either you spend all of your time imprisoned in your dorm room (Dana), or you freak out about failing from the get-go because you’re determined to enjoy Istanbul while you’re here (me). Not only that, but I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve thought about dropping out of the MA TESOL program altogether since I’ve been here. Luckily, I know that it’s only because of the different teaching approaches that I’m ready to jump off a bridge here. I never had these kinds of feelings toward this subject matter when I was studying in the United States. And so it is that I’m really looking forward to going back home despite the fact that I’m going to really, really miss my life here in Istanbul.

Anyway, I’ll try to add some updates about how fab Istanbul is in the next couple of weeks. I know I’ve been rather lax about posting on here (sorry Kristina!). Part of it is that I don’t really know what to write about and part of it is because I’m worried about making overgeneralizations about Turkey. I guess I’ll finally take the leap and write something though. I miss taking the time to write regularly.

Anyway, hope the holiday season is treating you all well at home. I never in a million years thought I’d miss Christmas (bleck!), but I’ve gotta say it’s WAY better than having school ON Christmas Day AND New Year’s Eve. WTF? More on that later.

Best,

Becca

 

The Waiting Game

Despite numerous warnings from the two study abroad students who came before us, Dana and I were still surprised by the level of incompetency at the University here in Istanbul. Actually, at first we thought the claims made to us by Curt and Kristina had been exaggerated because everything went so smoothly at Pre-Registration, where we turned in paperwork and received our logins and passwords for the online registration system. That, however, was the only thing that has gone smoothly since.

First, there was orientation, which was more of a meet and greet for us students than any kind of orientation. Originally slated to be two hours long followed by a campus tour, the “orientation” took only 30 minutes and told us nothing that we did not already know. Basically they welcomed us, showed us some pictures of students enjoying the campus, and told us they would have the documents we need to get our residency permits and local transportation cards “as soon as possible.” (Ten days later and we’ve heard nothing more on the matter . Note: We only have 30 days from when we entered the country to get these residency permits. I’ve been here for 17 days already.) Then we were released for our “campus tour,” which was essentially one student guide leading around some 75+ students and none of us being able to hear a word he was saying. The tour lasted approximately 15 minutes. After this we had a group dinner followed by a “city tour,” which was about as much of a tour as the campus tour had been, which is to say it wasn’t.

The next day we registered for classes, all of which we were unable to register for without permission from the professors, but nobody told us that so we completely freaked out about not getting our classes. We then emailed all of the professors and our advisor in a state of major anxiety. By the next day though, we were enrolled in all of our classes. By the way, we’re required to take three courses from our major plus a Turkish language course while we’re here. This didn’t give us much of a choice as to which classes to take because *only* three classes were offered in our major. Had we not gotten all three we would have been totally screwed.

Then comes the best part. The day after registration we began getting emails from our professors changing the days and times of our classes with the classrooms TBA. It’s been more than a week, class starts on Monday, and we still have no idea where we’re supposed to go. Oh, and we’re supposed to pick up our syllabuses from someplace called Hisar Copy. Uh, is this on campus somewhere? We wouldn’t know, given the campus tour we had. So, um, yeah, really looking forward to the first day of school.

And there’s really no point in asking the International Relations Office for help, even though they told us that they were “here to help us” at the “orientation” we attended, because all they say is for us to “be patient.” And so we wait.

 

More about grad school and financial aid

I finally got my financial aid on Thursday and was able to buy most of the rest of my books for class. There were two I wasn’t able to get so I’m going to have to order them online. Now I’m playing catch-up though. There was reading in ALL of my classes in the last two weeks and I was only able to get two of my books from the reserve library on campus. I’m actually kind of enjoying the reading though. Reading about how language is made and used is pretty fascinating stuff (to me, at least). Actually being motivated to do the coursework and stay up on the reading tells me I finally chose the right field for myself. It’s taken a long time, but I think I may finally have found something with which I can build a career.

On a side note: How do I manage to spend money so quickly? My bank account is like a sieve. Granted, I paid my rent and cell phone bill out for the next six months so I won’t have to worry about it during school. But seriously, that money was practically gone before it even arrived in my account. I guess I should just be glad that I’m set for the semester. It’s such a huge difference from my undergrad days.

 

Desperate to receive some cash

So, I started grad school last week and I’m already extremely far behind in my studies. This, of course, is no fault of my own. It’s the financial aid office’s fault for sending out checks two weeks AFTER school starts. What the? Seriously, how am I supposed to buy books, some of which are $110 or more, when I’m dependent on financial aid AND IT HASN’T COME YET?! Luckily, a few of my teachers understand that we’re poor college students and have put the books on reserve in the library. Others, not so much. Hopefully my check will come in the next few days, but right now I’m seriously considering just writing a check and hoping it doesn’t clear before my financial aid arrives.

 

School Headaches Already?

I’ve had about a dozen freak-outs about going back to school in the last week. No, I’m not freaking out that it’s a bad decision, I’m freaking out because my school is so unorganized! The red-tape at a state college is unbelievable. I have to call them or go in to have everything verified because I just can’t trust what they say.

First freak-out was when I wasn’t eligible to register on June 10 like they said I would be. I waited about a week and still had not registration privileges. So I had to call them and within minutes they had my account ready for registering for classes. Seriously, why did I need to call them about this? Wasn’t the whole point of moving all of these services online to make it less complicated?

Then today I received an invoice telling me I need to pay $2,281 by July 11 or all those lovely classes I just signed up for would disappear from my schedule. This, despite having received a letter from the financial aid office in April telling me I won’t have to pay any fees until Sept. 12 when my financial aid check arrives. I seriously think my heart stopped beating for a few seconds when I thought I was going to have to come up with major moola in the next few weeks (in addition to needing my first month’s rent for my new apartment!). So first I had to call financial aid to double check that I hadn’t hallucinated the deferment letter I received. Nope, didn’t hallucinate it. Then I had to call the cashier’s office to double check with them and they assured me my money wasn’t due until financial aid is sent out. So they said I can just ignore the invoice. But how do I know for sure I can just ignore the invoice. If it’s not deleted from my account I’m going to be staring at it for the next three weeks praying my classes don’t get deleted the day after July 11. Yeah, freak out central over here.

I don’t remember being this worried about stuff when I was an undergrad. And this makes me wonder: Am I going to be one of those old people in classes? Please God tell me I won’t be. I don’t think I’ll be able to live with myself if I turn out to be one of those old people. And don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about. You know full well who those old people are (sorry if you’re one of them).

 

Grad school stress, a temp job, and an assignment for you

I am SO stressed out right now. I just got an email from my grad school advisor letting me know that one of my required courses is full already … and I don’t get to register for two more months! How do I already have complaints about Sac State and I haven’t even started back there yet? I went in today to talk to the registration office about this problem, hoping that they’d say only the undergrad seats were taken but that they hold a few seats for grad students (they don’t). My advisor is currently trying to get the dean to add a second section of the class, but if it doesn’t work out I’m going to have to take 12 units across two semesters, therefore dragging out my grad program and wasting money I don’t have to waste. Super sad for sure!

Some good news though (sort of) is that I’m going to have a regular nine to five (well actually it’s 8:30 to 4:30) for the next couple of weeks. I’m going to be correcting the essay sections of standardized tests. Super fun, huh? I’m actually really looking forward to it. I had tons of assignments last month from a couple of magazines and am really ready for a mental break … and some regular income.

OK, last thing: For any of you knitters or crocheters out there, I want to put together some afghans for Warm Up America, who has teamed up with the Ronald McDonald House to provide pretty blankets for the children they help. What I need from you is a commitment to make SEVEN squares at 9″ by 7″ each. And they need to be made out of synthetic yarn (aka not wool). You can get some ideas for patterns here. Please let me know if you plan to participate and I’ll send you my address (if you’re far away) or we’ll schedule a get-together (if you’re close). I’m going to set an arbitrary deadline so this doesn’t drag on for months without any results. SO that means you need to get your SEVEN squares to me by JULY 12. That gives you two months, or about enough time to do one square a week.

OK then, talk to you all soon!

 

Ambition, or lack thereof

The other day I was telling some of my friends here that I got accepted to grad school. Naturally, the next questions were where am I going and what will I be studying. I told them I’m going back to CSU Sacramento, where I also received my B.A.

“I’m not too ambitious,” I said. “It’s the only school I applied to. I figured if I didn’t get in then I’d just find something else to do.”

Later I thought about that attitude. This idea that I’m not ambitious because I’m going to a state school, one I’ve already been to, in a town I already know, not fifteen minutes from where I grew up.

Really, is that me being unambitious, or is it me being realistic? Yeah, maybe I could have gotten into a better school, but could I have afforded it? Would it really have been worth paying the $50-100 application fee just to see if I’m really good enough to go to Harvard or Columbia, only to have to turn them down because there’s no way I could come up with the cash for one semester (much less four)?

Is it really ambitious people who go to Yale and Harvard? Or is it people whose parents were ambitious and just happened to have enough money to send them there? I’m sure there are some ambitious people out there who go to good schools because they really want it. But I’m sure there are quite a few who just think of those schools as if they were any other school.

I don’t know. Sometimes I’m kind of bummed that I never applied anywhere else for my B.A. But I don’t think I’d have wanted to spend six years figuring out what to do with my life if I had been paying 10 times as much for tuition.

am·bi·tious

1.	having ambition; eagerly desirous of achieving or obtaining success, power, wealth, a specific goal, etc.: ambitious students.

2.	showing or caused by ambition: an ambitious attempt to break the record.

3.	strongly desirous; eager: ambitious of love and approval.

4.	requiring exceptional effort, ability, etc.: an ambitious program for eliminating all slums.

Does ambition really mean you seek to obtain power, wealth and success? Or are there other kinds of ambition? Maybe I do lack ambition, but I make up for it in my willingness to explore the world. If I were focused on only one thing, I think I’d miss a lot of other stuff. Is that me making excuses again for my bad behavior?

 

Some good news and Book 35 (The Time Traveler’s Wife)

This morning I received my acceptance letter for Grad School! I’m so super excited because now I don’t really have to think about what I’m going to do with my life when I get home from Paris. Yay for deferring real life yet again.

Also, I finished reading “The Time Traveler’s Wife” by Audrey Niffenegger last night. I’ve never been interested in reading the book even though it’s gotten tons of good reviews. The cover just kind of creeped me out and I thought the story sounded sad (it was) so I knew I wouldn’t deal well with it. But it was chosen this month for the book club I’m in here, so my hand was forced.

The book is the story of Henry DeTamble, who has Chrono-Displacement Disorder. Causing him to travel back and forth through time. He doesn’t go to any weird places like the time of the dinosaurs though which makes the book a little bit more believable. Even though I have a really hard time with time travelling books (because I’m constantly trying to dissect them and prove that there’s a bad paradox in there), Niffenegger’s story was so compelling that I couldn’t stop reading.

I fell in love with both Henry and his wife, Clare. And I was devastated when things started to go wrong. This book made me cry way more than I would have liked and it made me think about time and death more than I would have liked, but I’m glad I read it.

 

Missing home and looking forward to grad school

I’m back in Paris now. My trip home was really good, but it made coming back to Paris even more difficult. I found myself even reminiscing about the palm trees when Tony was driving me to the airport. For the record: I’ve always hated that there are palm trees everywhere in Northern California. Palm trees are NOT native to the mountains. Unless I’m totally wrong. In that case, I apologize to the palm trees for hating them so much.

Also, I only really got to see my friends for a short time. I wish I could have stayed in Sacramento longer so I could have hung out more. Instead I spent most of the time packing up the rest of my apartment. Oh, don’t get me wrong: I was expecting this. I know Tony is the biggest procrastinator on the planet. Granted, I had hoped he’d surprise me. But who likes surprises?

Good news is the house is pretty much finished and Tony will be here in four days! That means I only have to miss that part of home for a little bit longer.

Oh! One other thing I did while I was at home: I talked to the program advisor for grad school. I went in there with my transcripts expecting the usual, which goes a little something like this:

Boring advisor type: “Hm….you’ve taken a lot of classes here. How many times did you change your major?”

Me: “Well, yes I had a difficult time deciding what I wanted to do. But I really did well in all of the classes I took.”

BAT: “Mm. Hm. And you took 192 units in your undergrad?”

Me: “Well, yes. I think it’s important to have a well-rounded education. I wanted to include the arts in my studies.”

BAT: “I see. And you’re sure this is what you want to do now.” (In his eyes I see the doubt. Him wondering how long it will take me to change my mind. Is this really the type of person we want in our program? he’s asking himself.)

Me: “Um, yeah. I mean yes. Um….”

BAT: “Well maybe you should give it a bit more thought.” (And he looks at me and judges me for being fickle, like it’s a bad thing.)

But that wasn’t the case! It went more like this:

Advisor: “You took a class on espionage and terrorism?”

Me: “It seemed like a good idea at the time. Sounded interesting.” (Thinking: shit here it comes.)

Advisor: “And all these interior design classes?”

Me: “Yeah, it was my major for awhile there. I know I have a pretty varied transcript….”

Advisor: “No, it’s really great. I think it’s important for students to explore other areas of study. It shows that you’re interested in a lot of things. It’s exactly what we want in someone for this program.”

Me: “Uh…uh….uh…great!”

Seriously you guys, I couldn’t have been more shocked. He was so interested in the classes I took and he didn’t even judge me for having taken a million things completely unrelated to my major. He didn’t even ask me why it took me so many units to graduate! AND he was totally stoked that I want to study abroad (considering he went to France and Japan when he was finishing up his schooling). OMG best decision EVER! I’m so excited for grad school now.

Oh, and I found out I can study abroad in either Spain, Germany or Istanbul (Turkey).

I’m totally trying to talk Tony into moving to Turkey with me now. Me, fickle? Ha!